there's a storm brewing (in my teacup)
by orangesofsymmetry
Summary: Phan. danisnotonfire/AmazingPhil. Life is really, really hard when you're a shitty barista with a massive schoolgirl crush on that guy that always orders the caramel macchiato.


Hey! So, this is totally generic with a load of characters stolen from the bandom and a few from muse... whoops. Anyway, writing this was fun and quite different for me, so be nice lovelies x

* * *

Admittedly, Dan is a shitty barista. He fucks the orders up, like, a lot. Somewhere between taking the order he'll forget the order completely or, _shit, did they say full fat or skimmed?_

He knows the only reason he's kept the job for so long is because he's so close with PJ, which is a miracle in itself, you know, because half of the time he's an insufferable little shit. It's not really his fault (okay, you got him, it totally is, whatever), but he's never really been one for the whole conventional social interactions (small talk about the weather, uni, blah, blah, etcetera, etcetera) so he tends to go big. Grand gestures, hugs that are really sorta awkward (not that PJ would say anything, far too polite), weird conversations ("if girls had really big vagina flaps, could they flap them and then use them to fly?" Yeah, really, what the fuck was that all about?). He's… Interesting to have around, to say the least, especially because, if the weirdness is not enough, he comes with a side dish of shy and awkward. He's not that bad, not really, but sometimes he stumbles over his words a bit too much, or he says completely the wrong thing, or sometimes he completely blows off going out for the day just because there's the possibility of meeting new people. That happens quite a lot. It's rather pathetic really. Well, apart from when it's not, because, you know, new people are kinda scary most of the time.

So, yes, Dan's not really great friend material. Except, he kinda really fucking is, because Jesus fuck, there's so many boring people out there. So, maybe, Dan's a fucking great friend to PJ. Backtracking? Indeed. He does it a lot, you should try it yourself.

Good friend? Yes. Good barista, however? Not really.

For some reason, customers don't really want to have conversations about using their dicks as propellers while he makes their coffee, and, even more unusually, this normally causes them to complain _and_ not tip him. Scandalous.

He reckons that he should probably quit, or something, before he has to face the shame of getting fired by PJ, but he really needs the money. It's not like it's a lot, but it's something, right? Plus, his shifts at Valebat passes the time nicely, what, with it's free wifi and all.

Don't ask why it's called Valebat, because even PJ couldn't say, and he named the place, godsake. It's a nice little place, the homely kind, with an old lady in the window with a cuppa and students on the couches in the corner. There's a signature wall, bursting with sharpie ink, some squiggles lots more elaborate than others. He asked PJ why he had it once, and all he got as a reply was a shrug and the few words: "art is the simpler things in life, my friend". It's cool, though, so he goes with it and signs his name, too. The sofas are plush and red and all sinky-into, like, the exact type Dan loves. It's a quirky establishment, enough so to attract customers through the odd appeal it has, and it's convenient location so close to the campus is, of course, a pretty good thing for business.

In fact, if he hadn't seen the poster screaming _TODAYS SPECIAL: PINING FOR A DECENT BARISTA, NO EXPERIENCE NEEDED_ in bright red lettering while walking home from his lecture, he probably wouldn't have the job or a friend like PJ at all.

Speaking of friends, the other baristas are all totally cool, too.

Chris is adorably annoying, with a wicked sense of humour (dry and witty) and seems to know everyone. He's loud, with a smile a tad too large, but he's probably his best friend behind the counter. He's the type of gus he'd probably have a crush on, if Chris wasn't hopelessly, stupidly in love with PJ. It's kind of sickening, really. Then there's Matt, who has flame red hair and is totally awesome. He's studying some sort of music (Dan never really asked specifically what music he was doing, but he guesses theory) at university and plays like a billion instruments and can write for even more. He's some sort of maestro, or some shit. His laugh is insanely infectious, and his boyfriend is really nice when he comes in for (extremely discounted) coffee. Brendon and Frank are close friends, each of them with their respective boyfriends ("seriously, is there anyone that isn't gay here?" Dan had asked on the first day, which PJ had answered with a glare and, "is that a problem?" which is when Dan came out) who Dan doesn't know much about, but he knows that Frank's boyfriend has hair the same alarming shade as Matt's. There's Louise and Emma, too, and sometimes Tom, but they only work the Saturday morning shift and Dan has only worked that a few times. Tom is cool, though, and has the sort of sense of humour that is so cheesy it's hilarious.

They're a quite tight knit group, he supposes, so it was quite tough breaking in (it was carnage, terrifying), but he managed all right. He'd like to thank not only God, but Jesus, too.

#

"So," Chris starts, loading the dishwasher with the stupid glass cups they serve their coffee in, "how's that crush going?"

"What?" Dan splutters on the coffee he's inhaling (it's his break, okay) and flushes.

"Oooh, I heard the word crush." Brendon coos, bustling past them with a tray of cakes. "Go on Dan, do share."

If it's possible, Dan blushes even darker. He opens his mouth to maybe regain a shred of his dignity, but PJ swoops into the conversation before he can say a word. "Dan's got a complete boner for the caramel macchiato guy. He like blushes harder than he is now, and goes all moon eyed. It's kinda cute, kinda embarrassing. He's totally obvious, and the guy's totally oblivious." PJ rolls his eyes and then his attention is stolen by the chime of the door.

"So, Dan, what does the caramel macchiato guy look like? I might have served him once." Matt asks, popping up from behind the bench and making Dan jump out of his skin.

"Urm," he says, eyes flicking up to meet PJ who is staring at him rather persistently, as if he's trying to send him a message. Which, in retrospect, Dan should really have got that he was. PJ's eyes flicker towards who he is serving and for maybe a millisecond Dan's eyes meet swirling blue, and _shit,_ that's caramel macchiato guy. Dan glares at Matt, Chris and Brendon and smirks gently, straight at caramel macchiato guy, raising his cup of coffee to his lips.

So, maybe he's trying too hard to look cool for this guy, but who can blame him, really, because he's super hot.

It backfires, of course it does, he's _Dan_, when he pours his coffee down his chin. It's hot, too, and it takes all of his strength to not cry or something equally embarrassing as the hot liquid drips onto his shirt.

He can hear people giggling around him, and when he looks up everyone is laughing at him, and _great_, even Frank who has only _just_ arrived is laughing. Well, he sees with a tinge of something along the lines of relief, caramel macchiato guy isn't laughing. Instead, he's looking at him with a small smile playing at the corner of his lips. Dan makes a choking noise in his throat and then bursts into high peals of laughter.

Chris dabs his face with tissue paper while PJ finishes caramel macchiato guy's order, which is, surprise surprise, caramel macchiato.

And then, out of the blue, PJ straightens up and turns to Dan. "Will you finish this off? I just gotta…" But he disappears into the kitchen before he can finish. Dan mutters, "not like I had any choice," and finishes the order.

An odd silence has fallen, and it takes a few moments to realise that everyone has left him and macchiato alone. Scheming bastards.

"So," he says as he passes the cup over, "sorry about pouring coffee down myself and looking like a right tit."

"Nah, it's cool…" he pauses to squint at Dan's name badge, "Dan."

"That's hardly fair." Dan says before he can contain himself. "You get to know my name but I'll probably never get to know yours." Macchiato's eyebrows crease adorably before he smiles, if only slightly.

"Phil." He says simply, and then glances at his watch. "I'm sorry, I really have to go. I'll be back tomorrow though." He smiles, an adorable half thing that makes Dan melt and then continues. "Can't live without my fix."

Dan reckons he was talking about the coffee, but he was staring right into his eyes as he said it and didn't once even look at his coffee.

#

"That was him, then?" Tom asks gently. Dan wasn't aware that Tom was even working today, and less even cared, but when he came into the kitchen panicking Tom had steered him out onto the alley. Dan nods at Tom's question and Tom rolls his eyes, as if he's missing something blatantly obvious. "I think you should ask him out." He says simply and sighs, "I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

Dan can think of lots of things, like Phil hating him and getting his coffee somewhere else, or something, but he doesn't voice his concerns. Kinda because he agrees wholeheartedly with Tom, because that would be ideal, really. Instead, he nods dumbly and Tom claps him on the back.

When they get back into the kitchen, Matt shoots him a sympathetic smile and Chris wolfwhistles.

"He's good looking," Brendon says, "and likes you back. 100 percent." Frank, who must have been filled in by Brendon or something, nods along.

Dan shakes his head, even though he kinda sees what Brendon is saying. Like, Phil does mirror his behaviour sometimes and he _does_ always looks a little flustered around him. Which is exactly how Dan behaves, and he's a lovesick fool, so.

However, Phil is totally gorgeous and probably has standards way higher than him. Blue eyes are super desirable, that he knows, and when you're as tall and lean as Phil he probably has people falling at his feet. And, from the few long conversations Dan's had with him, he's managed to deduce that Phil's personality is knockout. What he's trying to say, really, is that Phil's an unintentional heartbreaker.

To summarise: he's hardly optimistic about his chances with him.

#

True to his word, Phil is back the next day.

He's wearing all black and when he looks down to check something on his phone, Dan shoots PJ a glance that he hopes is read as _holy fuCK HE IS WEARING ALL BLACK AND HE LOOKS HELLA FINE I AM LOSING MY SHIT. LOSING. MY. SHIT_. PJ just snorts and returns to writing some accountanty shit in a notepad.

Dan's already started on Phil's caramel macchiato when he Phil glances up again. Dan tries to act like he totally wasn't staring, but he can't help but notice the sheer determination that he finds in Phil's eyes, nor the faint blush staining Phil's cheeks.

"Erm, do you want me to wait until you're done or should I order now?" Phil pauses for a moment and then blushes and shakes his head quickly, his fringe flopping over his eyes. "I'd be fine with waiting, sorry. I shouldn't have asked, it's cool, carry on." he quickly averts his gaze to his shoes, which suddenly appear to be the most interesting thing in the galaxy, or some shit.

"Actually, this is yours, erm, I hope you wanted the normal?" Phil flushes more, but when he looks up there's this little smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

"Caramel macchiato?" Dan nods. Phil nods. Then they're kinda locked in this intense sort of stare which involves a few too many awkward nods and breaks until Dan finishes Phil's order. "Thanks," Phil says as he takes the cup, "I was wondering if you were-"

"Single?" Chris perks up, out of absolutely nowhere. "Yes, yes he is. Very much so."

"Oh?" Phil quirks his head towards Chris for a moment, then returns his attention to Dan. "Would you maybe, erm, want to-"

"Yes, he does want to go on a date. He would also very much like for you to be the mother of his children."

"Peej!" Chris cackles, eyes crinkling as he laughs. "C'mon, leave the lovebirds to it."

Phil looks downright mortified but also hopeful when he meets Dan's eyes again. "What they said." Dan says meekly, nodding at the retreating backs of Chris and PJ and then bays an awkward laugh.

Phil runs a hand through his hair, ruffling it and making it stand up at oddly cute angles. "So you would like to go on a date with me?" Dan nods quickly, efficiently and Phil's responding grin is breathtaking. "When do you get off?"

"PJ, I'M LEAVING NOW!" Dan shouts immediately and rips his apron off rather comically.

"Have fun! Use protection!" PJ shouts back and Dan turns to Phil apologetically.

"I guess I'm off now."

#

They end up in Starbucks.

"Isn't this like, a complete betrayal or something?" Phil asks, nodding at the cup in Dan's hand.

"Probably." Dan replies, shrugging. "But it's a betrayal I am willing to make." He takes a sip, this time not spilling a single drop (hallelujah, praise jesus). "Plus, this coffee is like a hundred times better than mine."

"True." Phil responds quickly, then rushes to elaborate at Dan's slightly offended expression. "I only really go to Valebat for the excellent service." And Dan blushes, which is becoming his thing around Phil now.

"Well, Chris is pretty good looking I guess." Dan replies mockingly, winking.

"I'm talking about you, idiot." Phil hums for a second, before shrugging. "Chris is alright, I guess, but I didn't spend the last four months pining over him."

That shuts Dan up.

#

For the rest of the week the specials board reads as follows:

_CARAMEL MACCHIATO WITH A SIDE DISH OF: THIS DRINK GETS YOU LAID_

#

Months later, when Phil comes in for his coffee wearing that same black shirt and leans over the counter to kiss Dan in front of everyone, Dan feels the overwhelming urge to thank PJ. For everything.

#

_End._

#


End file.
